There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
