so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
