I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
