ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
