You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
