when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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