I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
