Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
