Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
