I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
