Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I smell like Dick and happiness
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
