How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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