Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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