even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
