Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
