Can i not drive my cunt home
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
