Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
