why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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