So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
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