The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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