I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
