I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
tell your sister to shave her snatch
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Randomize
