At least make sure they are 18
Why
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
