Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
