That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
