Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
