no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
