i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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