The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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