if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
