3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
my god I love twenty year old dicks
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
