You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
