1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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