I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
