Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
