i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
