Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
