just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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