I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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