i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
