i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
