I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
