Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
