Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
