Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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