So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
