Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
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