is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
