You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
