FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
